New beginnings and January blues.

I think at this stage in January, the general ‘murk’ of the month should have lifted. All of the Christmas chocolate should now be gone, and unless you’ve kicked the ‘New Year, New You’, thing really hard, a significantly expanded waistline is probably nicely settled in by now.

I definitely experienced the blues hard this year- but have really focussed hard on depending on God for a transformation in mood and outlook. After all, Jesus does speak over you, who you will be/ who you are in Him. Think about the disciples who were given different names. They WERE someone else, but in Christ, they found themselves, and had the truth revealed to them about who they really are and what they were going to become. Simon was declared Peter, after his revelation that Jesus was the Christ. It is this truth that can be relied on to have real HOPE that our futures, personality flaws, dim outlooks and sin will be changed.

One of my ‘New Year, New You’ things that has stuck (for now) and I believe WILL stick, is my Bible In A Year. I’ve found it so useful, and, even though tough to get into- a really enjoyable part of my day. I don’t have a set time that I read it, but find that I always feel encouraged and peaceful after doing so.

The #IQS8WP is due to start soon as well, and I’ve already gone through a significant amount of the withdrawal process already, having had a panicked three days thinking that I would not fit into my dress! Mr M will be joining me too, and has already shown intrigue in the jar of coconut oil that has made its way into my kitchen, in preparation.

So, I’m choosing to leave the ‘murk’ well and truly behind. When I think about Mrs Morris, I know she wouldn’t hold on to a few low weeks, and she certainly wouldn’t let in ruin a ‘New You’ resolve. She’d be accepting of past mistakes and welcome them as challenges to her behaviour. I don’t think that the January Blues are necessarily a bad thing if taken with this attitude.

Things will get better.

I can be changed (into a lovely Mrs Morris, who Jesus would be pleased with, one hopes).

I will be healthier.

I will be strengthened by the word.

Read and repeat!

If anyone has actually read to the bottom of this, you’ve probably realised I’m not a very ‘plan centric’ writer- I tend to just bumble through whatever is in my mind! Diary blogs are fine for this though- I hope!

Good vibes are set to come- lots of love, Miss Fox X

Aaaaand I’m back!

So, that was a bit of a longer gap than I’d hoped for.

I went through a bit of a rough week after the house loss, and then found it hard to worship at church (not just because of the house) which was emotionally draining. I felt like I wasn’t close to God, that I was a rubbish Christian for not being able to be joyful in trusting Him- and that everything was just going wrong.

Things did get better though.

I persevered with my Bible in A Year, and i’m in the middle of writing a talk for my homegroup. The readings and studies gave me a reason to continue hoping and praying that I’d feel better, and to trust in God that He would change me for the better…in His own time.

We also found a flat! So we’ll have a home to move into once we are married :). It was a massive relief, and another reason to continue trusting- GOD HAS IT ALL UNDER CONTROL.

I had a few days off work just to breathe and relax, and was truly pampered during my first Bridal hair trial and make-up lessons at MAC.

The best part is- I got called back to London for my first dress fitting- 2 months early- AND IT FIT! Even after Christmas!!! I need a slight height adjustment, but otherwise it’s fine. Picture attached! (Excuse the goofy face- that’s not my veil).

Things are still tough though. Work has had a restructure and it’s hard being in such an unhappy environment for most of your waking day. People are leaving left right and center and more are looking for different jobs as we speak. I think God placed me here- and I don’t want to jump ship as soon as waters get choppy.

We are now undergoing the referencing process for our flat- which for any of you in the UK will know, means that they will find any way possible to take even more money for their ridiculous fees from us- that we can ill afford. We wait with baited breath for the outcome (praying).

I’ve had a couple of anxiety attacks over the last couple of weeks which have affected Mr M, which makes me feel even worse. It feels bad enough that you have them without any warning and for seemingly little or no reason- it’s worse that they bring the one you love most down. EVEN worse that it makes them feel they can’t have any emotions of their own.

So *sigh* lots to keep moving through. But i’m going to keep trying with my blog diary, and keep hoping and believing that God is working in all of my circumstances to bring me closer to Him. That’s gotta be a good thing.

Lots of love, Miss Fox XX

Homemade hydrangea wedding cake (pt 2)

So, here’s how it turned out! Sorry the pictures aren’t great- I’d shoved it in a box without a second thought to photo’s. I think you still get the gist!

Bride to be was very pleased, and considering I didn’t have the right colours, I managed to match her small bouquet quite well!

As for everything else that has been going on in my life, well, surprisingly the New Year hasn’t changed an awful lot! We missed out on the opportunity to get our dream house today, which is kinda gutting. But we are trusting in God that the right place will become available when the time is right.

It’s also four months today till I become Mrs Morris (!).

I’ve also signed up for the eight week sugar detox from Sarah Wilson, to start the 22nd January, I’m sure i’ll take to here to vent soon enough!

Not feeling particularly positive due to house let down, so I won’t write too much more. But here’s to hoping there will be some good news/ positive posts to come over the coming days!

Happy New Year to you!

Homemade hydrangea wedding cake (pt 1)

I have the wonderful honour of being one of my best friends bridesmaids later next year, and I’m pretty stoked about it!  We have free reign over our bridesmaids dresses and the other bridesmaids are awesome!  I couldn’t be happier with the job I’ve been given.

H is from Canada, and  I was probably the first person she met up with in Southampton.  She contacted our church group, Glo, through Facebook,  saying that she was going to be new to the area (and country! ) and was anyone there to help her get settled?  We have been firm friends since that day, and she was with me the first time Mr M and I met properly, and I introduced her to her future husband!

Visa issues being what they are,  the decision to have a registry office wedding ahead of the church blessing (scheduled just days before her visa runs out) was more of a necessary evil than planned choice.  She can’t have any Christian music or prayers (although us bridesmaids will be doing it anyway #rebels) and to her and D,  it’s just a ‘going through the motions’ affair, and they’ll live as unmarried until the blessing in August.  I don’t know if I could- but that’s their choice,  and I understand.

Even though they aren’t really celebrating, we couldn’t let it go by unmarked, so we’ll have an amateur photographer and I’m making a cake with her wedding flower of choice on it- hydrangeas!

The cake is a standard madeira, and will only be a one tier celebration cake to feed 8-10. We can’t steal the show off the real deal after all! The flowers are made with pale blue sugar paste mixed with cmc powder to stiffen the flowers up after drying. I’ve just made them,  so tomorrow  (in part 2) I’ll be icing the cake,  after slicing and filling with jam. I’ll also be hand painting the flowers to make them look more realistic- with purple and green tinges. Here’s the progress so far!

See you tomorrow!  Miss Fox x

Kidney transplant at Christmas!

God is so good. Really, He is. It didn’t take my Uncle getting the transplant, or recovering from acute rejection to believe it, but it’s times like this that it’s a blessing to watch Him reveal it to your non- believing,  atheist family.

Yes,  Uncle Jay is doing well! My church and my future parents in law are praying for him,  and best of all it was my parents prayer request 🙂 he will be in the high dependency unit over Christmas, but we will be visiting to bring some festive cheer!

What a great Christmas gift! But it does put the season in perspective somewhat. I hope you have a wonderful season full of joy and hope. If you aren’t having the best time,  please know that Christ’s church is with you,  and we can look forward to epic Christmas’s when we are TRULY home.  (I hope that brought a smile to your face! )

Lots and lots of love,  future Mrs Morris 🙂

There’s no place like home?

I’m back home in London for Christmas,  a day earlier than planned.  My uncle has recently had a miracle kidney transplant and whilst all the signs were looking good- he’s been rushed back to St Barts with internal bleeding.
My bosses were great,  and allowed me to leave work early and come home- so here I am!  I can’t say I got the best welcome,  everyone was stressed and tired. This morning,  mum blew up at me as ‘one of those church people’ and stormed off to work,  leaving me in tears with a very apologetic father. Tensions are running high,  and it doesn’t feel very merry at all.

Whilst ‘letting that which does not matter, slide’ still applies,  is hard not to feel you’ve been let down. This is not the same Christmas that people show you on the TV or you read in books! 

I am sure everything will feel better once a few hours have passed and, crucially, there’s a good meal in everyone’s belly. I will cook my family of eight slow cooker spaghetti bolognese this evening.  Pictures to follow.

Please pray for Jay, that he wouldn’t have to have his kidney removed.  He had been waiting for a kidney for thirty years, and has been the most chronically ill man I know.  He had two young daughters,  and for him,  this kidney was a chance to have a normal life,  free of a dialysis machine.  God,  may your will be done in his life,  and let us as his family rally around him. What an amazing gift,  this Christmas time. 

Gravity (and Christmas fellowship!)

So yesterday we had our church group Christmas meal- the one I posted about earlier in the week?

It was a storm! It took an awful lot of preparation- but was so worth it.

It wasn’t just the food- the mission piece went brilliantly- and we had a lot of opportunities to liaise with the general public. Quite a few of the took the ‘Christmas in 3 words’ booklets that we had to offer if wanted. These are a simple introduction to the Christ in Christmas. We wrapped about 50 presents in total, some people are going to have very happy mornings on the 25th!

Here are a few select photo’s of the day!

Some of the beautiful wrapping team!

The Top Hall dinner tables- arranged in a tight horseshoe, so everyone could see each other, and nobody became isolated from conversation. Backing music provided by Rend Collective’s- campfire Christmas (which if you don’t have, you need to buy).

The Head Chef, and me!!!

Our Nigella Christmas chickens, surrounded by the trimmings! We put one of these serving dishes per 4 people and asked a central person to serve their friends. We had so much left over, we made 14 meals for the homeless, and put these in plastic take-away boxes with knives and forks- delivering them after the meal.
My Christmas Ham- I’m more than a little bit proud of this! I was at church for 8am, to get this baby on the boil. It bathed in simmering water for just over 4 hours, before the skin was peeled back, the fat was scored, studded with cloves and drizzled in golden syrup. It then roasted on high for just over 20 minutes, to get that beautiful colour. It was probably definitely my favourite bit of the meal.

And my poem?! Yes! My performance poetry went rather well! I performed Mark Greene’s (LICC) ‘Gravity’, at our contemporary Christmas Carol concert last night- and I didn’t forget any of it 🙂

It perfectly sums up the spirit of the season as it should be. Allow me to share it with you, and please let it bless your Christmas!

-Gravity-

The apple, unlike Adam, had no choice but to fall,

Speeding to fulfill it’s creators call,

But what force drew Him down to us?

He, with a starlight infinity to explore,

He, who could peer into a neutrons core.

He, who had spoken a thousand million times,

And known the sulphuric spit of our self-vaunting crimes.

He, who we’d called a murderer, liar, thier,

And left for dead, with enlightened relief.

What force drew Him down from above,

To reap the grim harvest of rebel pride,

Hammered with Nails of truth denied.

What force drew Him down from above?

What force but this, the gravity of Love.

Mark Greene (London Institute of Contemporary Christianity)

Marriage preparation, the midway point

Like most couples getting married in a church, we are doing a marriage preparation course through our local church.

I had huge preconceptions about what it was going to be like, and wasn’t really looking forward to pouring out the innards of our relationship to a couple we knew quite well (our minister and his wife).

I was imagining feeling completely ashamed at our failures, our arguments, and where they rose from (quite a few have them have been my fault). I was also dreading conversations about previous relationships, which for me is a tender subject- having been in a previous (non-christian) relationship which left me emotionally bruised, and is a sore subject for Mr M. I thought it would all be dragged back up again, and was reasoning with myself that as a couple we have talked it all through, and we both understand each others feelings about it- and are moving forward. I didn’t want to go over it again!

Luckily it wasn’t like that at all. We did the course presented by Nicky and Sila Lee, from Relationship Central: http://www.relationshipcentral.org/

It is a series of videos encompassing a range of topics, accompanied by a workbook summarising the video, and gibing you exercises to do with your partner at regular intervals during the video.

The videos were light and sometimes comical (and painfully middle class at times), but were a really good starting point for having serious conversations about real issues that can come up during the course of a marriage.

There is also a 180 question survey that you need to take. It’s exhausting, but after running through the results last night- we feel it was worth it.

Apparently we are over 80% compatible (based on our answers), 90% ready for marriage, 88% spiritually aligned and 100% aligned on our ideas on finances (I’m a trainee Financial Adviser- I’ll clearly be a good one!).

We weren’t so good at conflict resolution- and spent nearly two hours working through specific examples of arguments in our past and how to work them through differently. Whilst painful and sometimes embarrassing, it was a very useful exercise, and we left feeling encouraged about our future.

It was definitely something that Mrs Morris will treasure as being an equipping time. If you get the opportunity to do it yourself, I would thoroughly recommend it.

Christmas Dinner for 23 people- for less than £90!

So yesterday myself, a friend and Mr M went shopping for our church group (Glo- it’s affectionately named) Christmas meal.

IT WAS GLORIOUS

This is what our conveyor looked like:

We were feeling pretty stoked- and scared, that with 23 mouths to feed, a full Christmas dinner for £5 a head was not going to happen. We were very pleasantly surprised! The total came to just under £88! The remainder we plan on spending on drinks and Christmas crackers- which we didn’t initially add to the trolley for fear of going over budget.

So what are we serving on Saturday?

Aside from our morning mission activity( free Christmas gift wrapping to the public: wishing them well and reminding them that there is a church here that would be happy to receive them and their families over Christmas) we are having a hearty meal and a contemporary carol service in the evening. I am performing a poem- we’ll see how that goes!

Our menu for 23 hungry mouths:

MAIN

Sausagemeat Stuffed Roast Chicken

Christmas Gammon Ham

Brussel Sprouts

Parsnips

Carrots

Roast Potatoes

Pigs in blankets

Sage and onion stuffing

Gravy

PUDDING

Christmas pudding, served with either:

Brandy cream

Custard

Ice cream

OR- Warm Mince Pies

The cook in me is buzzing with excitement at stuffing the birds and cooking the Ham. I do love a bit of Nigella Lawson, and since she suggested stuffing sausage meat under the skin of the bird (albeit a turkey in her example) I’ve been a devout fan. My family loved it when I did it with our Christmas turkey last year, and you get the most beautiful, moist, self basting turkey- with an incredible carve. I think Glo will love it!

The ham I will cook the way my Nan taught me. Boiled gently in water with sage and onion for approximately 4 hours, then the skin peeled off revealing the fat- scored, glazed with honey and roasted until crispy and glistening. Bish-bash-bosh.

I plan to serve a chicken per 4 people, surrounded by the side dishes. I have two vegetarians and am providing a not roast separately for each of them- so they don’t feel left out- it does mean the roasties will miss their goose fat bath, but i’ll save that for the Fox family dinner at least.

Upon taking this to the church, a problem was realised. There was no room in the inn fridge for the chickens and ham.

SORTED.

Ladies and gentlemen, the Church staff fridge:

Anyone else trying to feed the 5000 this year? I’d love to hear your shopping/ planning success stories!

‘Let that which does not matter, slide…’

Deciding to bite your lip and take a deep breath before speaking can be a big ask for me.

Whether it’s at work (my WORST place for getting cross, and pretty much always forefront of my mind when considering my biggest areas for self-improvement), with family and friends, or with Mr M- it never ends well.

Choosing to ‘let that which does not matter, slide’ (Mr M’s quote) actually worked in my favour most recently. Rather than going into what happened (I read some very good blog posts about respecting your husband, and being careful with what you share with the world), take it as I had reason to be slightly annoyed. I ‘let that which did not matter, slide’- which was very tough and required a mental exercise of the highest calibre- I ended up with a very grateful, loving and affectionate Mr M, and a chocolate reindeer to boot! He was braced for me to be upset with his behaviour, and because I wasn’t (because ultimately, it wasn’t important), I reaped the benefits. I was happy, he was happy- win win!

Feeling rather pleased with myself- I can’t wait for the next opportunity to put love and grace first, rather than pleasing the wild beast of a tongue! (*If anyone who prays reads this, prayer for me in the work environment would be especially helpful.*)

I’m hoping this is the kind of habit I can cultivate for the rest of my life. It’s very easy to look at a situation and decide you have the right to be annoyed, and therefore you will be. But that’s not the Godly option, and even if you don’t have faith, it’s still not the best option. Had I acted in my normal way, I would have been annoyed, as would Mr M, we’d have had an argument and both of us would feel the sting for days.

I’m not saying this works in all situations either- I’m sure in an abusive relationship, more than biting your lip is required, and certainly abuse should not be tolerated. What I’m saying is that there is always another option to repaying sin with sin- and you should ask God for help strengthening your boundaries and giving you the wisdom to deal with a bad/annoying/unhappy situation.

I am DEFINITELY not an expert at this- but I’m hoping Mrs Morris will be- with practice. I hope that you will reap the benefits yourself- it may even be a chocolate reindeer!